June 10, 2019

Coercive Control

Only 30% of Domestic Abuse and Violence is reported in Canada.  Every 6 days a woman is killed by her intimate partner.  And our First Nations women are targeted 6x to 8x more often than women of other cultures.  The aftermath cost of Domestic Violence and Abuse costs Canadian taxpayers about 7.6 billion dollars every year.  Outrageous isn't it.  Yet our laws remain very Patriarchal in diminishing women from speaking up. 80% of Predators are men and they get away with their Abuse because of the Patriarchal culture that permeates our law and judicial systems.  The Patriarch rules were formed over 6000 years ago.  The Patriarchal system of duality was created to diminish all things feminine including our mother earth and this domination has brought humanity to the brink of the 6th mass extinction event.

  1. Males inherit so that they control property and finances.
  2. Women's reproductive systems must be controlled to assure male inheritance.
  3. Women can only have sex for procreation.

With these three rules in play mostly unconsciously now, but still in play, men are absolved of being responsible for their behavior and it becomes the woman's fault and responsibility.  Sound familiar.  We must continue to work together to transform Power Over Domination and Controlling Patriarchal paradigms into Empowerment so that every life, species and our planet are respected as equals.

Below is a list of coercive controlling behavior.  

  1. Unreasonable demands. Often followed up by threats, pressure or physical restraint if you don't agree to them.
  2. Degradation AKA malicious name–calling, or bullying behavior. This could include buying clothes that are purposefully too small for you to 'diet' into, or constant belittling behavior in front of your friends, designed to make you feel worthless.
  3. Restricting daily activities. Whether it's your daily jog or meeting your family. If you feel increasingly unable to carry out your normal routine, it's usually a strong signal for concern.
  4. Threats or intimidation. If your behavior isn't to their liking, you are threatened or intimidated into changing it. This can include sex too.
  5. Financial control. Can include constant monitoring of your spending, or giving you an 'allowance' to live off (usually when it's your own money they're controlling).
  6. Monitoring of time. Stalking your movements, unwanted contacted, or being controlling about how you spend your time is a form of coercive control.
  7. Taking your phone away. Or changing passwords to your iPad or laptop so you can't use them. This could include any form of restricting access to communication, information or services.
  8. The same goes for restricted mobility. If you're unable to leave the house or use your car because they won't allow it. If your partner's behavior isolates you from friends, family or colleagues, then it's important to seek help.
  9. Deprivation of food. Constantly – and purposefully – taking your food away, or limiting your allowance is controlling, abusive behavior. Seek help.
  10. Destruction of possessions. Whether it's something valuable, or emails or text messages.
  11. The after-the-fact illegal holding of chattel for Ransom or extortion.  Intentional financial harm with continued intimidation tactics, harassment, and bullying.

6000 years is a lot of time for the Patriarchal male energy to be in control but together we have been and will continue to transform this into Empowerment of Choice and Freedom.  There is help available for those 80% men and 20% of women who engage in destructive behavior causing harm.  We can no longer be silent or turn our heads or say it isn't our business.  It is our business, every one of us to do what we can to stop Domestic Abuse and Violence.  Reporting it, talking about it and bringing the appropriate legal and financial consequences will assure transformation as there is always a way to resolve differences without violence and abuse once people recognize their internal issues.  Nothing is impossible.  

https://www.canadianwomen.org - has resources for men and women to get help and support.  I am in the middle of the most interesting case now where I have been able to experience all aspects of Predation for the sole reason to effect positive change.  I a grateful no matter how tough and painful it has been as my pain will over time bring so much GAINE in ending domestic abuse and violence.  I will not rest until my granddaughter lives in a world of love, respect, and honor for all beings without ever diminishing the feminine.  So my brothers and sisters don't turn a blind eye to abuse.  Do what you can safely to bring about change through love, kindness, and compassion and remember that tough love requires fair and appropriate consequences.  

I am grateful always for every experience in my life.  I love you!

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