August 18, 2019

Jean De Grasse March 17, 1935 - August 11, 2019 - My Hero

I met the DeGrasse family, Jean, Suzanne, Celine et al in the fall of 1987.  I made the decision to divorce my children's father in November 1987 after months of counseling with my Minister of the United Church in Nanaimo.  I was experiencing a spiritual death of my beingness and to get onto my true path of spirituality to fulfill my purpose was not possible with my husband or the overbearingness of my mother.  I wanted out as much to escape the chains of my marriage as to escape the chains of my mother's narcissism.

It was a heart breaking time for me as my Ministry had to track me down after a phone call from my mother threatening me.  She told my Minister if I didn't stay married to my children's husband my father had prepared everything to have me comitted as they felt I was crazy as there was no way that I could take my children and get a degree in business to create companies that would facilitate positive change.  My Minister told me to stay away from my parents as he had told my mother that even though Elwood was a powerful man in the community, he (my minister) was more powerful and they would have to come through him to get to me.  He told me he would not allow them to harm me that way as I was not crazy but in terrible pain at having to rip my family apart to move forward on my path.

I was a broken, torn apart woman but determined no matter how much control my parents attempted by pulling their love from me, to hurt and punish me that somehow I would get my children and myself to SFU to pursue my degree and thus the rest of my life.  

God brought me Jean and Suzanne DeGrasse who took me in and loved me into wholeness.  My Minister continued my counseling so that I could make the transition from stay at home wife and mother into a business person Mom.  The DeGrasse's took on two roles...Suzanne was determined to feed me as I was not eating and extremely skinny and help look after my young children. and Her husband Jean being a brilliant engineer and understanding math...the role of the tutor in math and business.  Suzanne at one point told me she must have been my mother in another life.  Jean and Suzanne had 11 children of their own...They had lost their youngest son many years earlier in a tragic accident.

Jean transition last Sunday, August 11, 2019, and our world lost a great, wise, kind, compassionate loving man.  I needed Calculus to get into the business facility at SFU.  I was taking some undergrad courses at then Malaspina College in Nanaimo and I quickly came to understand that the math courses were not my best subject.  They literally made math for idiots with me in mind.  Jean committed to tutoring me in Calculus as I was failing badly and that was an understatement.  I was so discombobulated by the subject that one night at the kitchen table where we sat while he worked with me, Jean was so frustrated with me he got up from the table and went over to the wall and started banging his head against the wall.  But never a harsh or unkind word to me.  I was pretty upset and he just walked back over, put his hand on my arm and went girl you can do this.  Let's take it apart bit by bit.  Jean taught me how to look at things analytically, to take a problem apart strategically to create the solution.  

He taught me there were only solutions and the problem was just the means to the solution...no big deal.  I was highly intuitive so what he taught me when combined with my intuition was the ticket to success in all things in life.  He taught me that integrity and ethics were a big part of a business and there would be times when that would be challenged and I was to stand in my truth and not turn my head away from what was right no matter what else was going on around me.  Those teachings have served me well over the last 32 years.

Well I ended up with a D+ in Calculus...we all laughed as whoever heard of that...a D+.  My professor wouldn't give me the C- I needed to transfer it into SFU because he said I want you to take it again because you have come so far I believe you can get an A.  Well the DeGrasse's were the essential ingredient in me getting to SFU.  They nurtured me into wholeness on every level never once telling me I couldn't do what I was determined to accomplish...Get my business degree, work for two years in sales and then start my companies to facilitate positive change.   They literally told me I could do whatever I set my mind to and was willing to work for.  Jean and Suzanne were the wind beneath my wings.  Because they told me I could do it.  I did.

My first semester at SFU I took calculus and an accounting course that was part of the Business facility requirement.  LOL, I quickly found out that they wrote Accounting for Idiots for me as well.  I had transferred in with a 3. 04 and my first semester numbers at SFU were 1.67.  I got a note from the business faculty head that I did not get in and not to bother applying again as there was no way I could get in.  I called Jean and Suzanne...they laughed at my numbers and Jean went - well you have to take Calculus again and courses that you can get all A's in...you can do this girl...So I did.  I set up my 2nd semester to get all A's including Calculus...and I was sitting with A percentages when Nov 10, 1989 at 8 am the phone rang at our residence at Louis Riel house at SFU (the kids and I were living there during our time at university) . It was my Aunt to say that my Dad had died in his sleep.  Well it was my time to band my head against the wall as my Daddy was gone, we were so estranged at the time and now there was no chance to mend our fences.

I ran home to the DeGrasses, with my kids as they were my safe haven.  They had moved to Victoria and it was there that I wanted to grieve.  The University counselors wanted to withdraw me from the semester so that I wouldn't get poor grades.  Jean and Suzanne comforted me and my children.  I did not want to go to my father's funeral in Nanaimo but Jean insisted I go as he felt i would regret it later.  He promised me if it was terrible that he and Suzanne would drive down and get us and put us on the ferry back to Vancouver themselves.  We talked about my semester and how hard I had worked.  I was deeply concerned that if I didn't get in this time I wouldn't make it as I only had so much money and time to get the degree.  Jean and Suzanne both agreed that I could grieve, study and write the exams and get it.  Jean said to me there will times in business when tragedy strikes and you will have to soldier through it with your business.  You can do this girl...

So I went to the funeral...my friends surrounded me in the family room to assure I didn't go after my mother as she had literally let my father die.  I sat behind her listening to her cry, sitting on my hands as they so wanted to reach out and wrap themselves around her neck at what she had allowed happening to my father.  My oldest son devastated as he had wanted to call me about what was happening with his grandfather but my mother wouldn't let him.  I got through it without shedding a tear, got the kids home, and Jen my oldest daughter came back with what we thought was appendicitis and had to spend a couple of days in the hospital with me taking up residence with her there.  I was so angry...but determined.

So I studied and grieved and wrote my exams the end of November early December 1989.  I checked the business faculty acceptance board...of course, I had applied and missed the cut by a fraction.  I went to my calculus instructor going is there any extra marks you can give me as sometimes the TA's missed something...He went through it and went why would you write this when your father died...your percentage was so amazing.  So I went to my stats Prof...why I could do stats when other math befuddled me was bizarre but I was good at stats...My Prof as all my Prof's knew what had happened to my father looked through my exam and went...TA missed this and this...so this takes your grade to here...Now go see Mrs. Wortenan and get into the Business faculty.  

I stood before the head of business with my exam in my hand and said to her...I now how just over what I need to be accepted. She looked at the exam and me.  She said you know I didn't think you had it in you to do this degree with all those kids, but this proves to me you can and will.  So you are in conditionally. You have to maintain your grades over the next 3 semesters.  Congratulations.  And I graduated in April 1992 without missing a deadline, pulling an all nigher, and never asking for an extension.  While raising 4 kids getting them to baseball, hockey, soccer, dance practices and games, school stuff...The DeGrasse's believed I could and I believed I could so I did.

Fall 1992 I went to work for Equity Magazine and found the Internet in 1993.  In 1994 I bootstrapped two of my six companies with $5000.00.  I was finally earning the revenue to pay for myself and my children and it felt amazing.  I was expanding and got into online payment in 1996/97.  By 2000 two big companies wanted to partner with me on some payment eCommerce initiatives.  Well through that I found out partners weren't really partners and ended up in a big court battle which looked on the surface like I had lost it all.  The night of the court fight...I went to bed believing my career was up in flames.  When I woke up in the morning I stayed in bed with the covers over my head.  Kids had to get themselves off to the school...I was in the middle of my pity-party in the dark warmth of my bed when Jean's voice went...you have to take this apart.  Everything has a solution you just have to take it apart bit by bit.  And I saw him in my mind in such frustration but no angry or harsh words, get up from the DeGrasse kitchen table walk over the wall and keep banging his head against the wall.  His words to me when he sat down were you can do this... let's take it apart so you can create the solution.  The fear eased in my belly.  His words were always, you can do this girl.

The phone started ringing and Jimmy was on the other end with similar encouragement that I had just heard Jean repeat as he had taught me strategic, analytical problem-solving.

So I solved the problem, flick flacked those two big companies back and we began the process of bringing all of our development in the house on our own servers as I was never going to allow anyone to have the power to destroy what I and my team had created.

Jean and Suzanne DeGrasse have helped so many people over the course of their lives never expecting anything in return.  I am who I am today because they loved me and believed in me and committed to helping me become my dream...helping me turn my goals into reality.  My pay it forward to them and the others in my life who came along to help me was to give millions to charitable causes: feeding children, saving animals, environment, clean water, food security, women's causes and so much more.  I took in a young woman when she needed help and helped her turn her life into her dreams. as the DeGrasses did for me.  Such a small thing for their kindness and compassion throughout all of their lives.

So, Jean, I will be eternally grateful to you for all you inspired in me and taught me as I am who I am because of your love, kindness, wisdom, compassion, and unwillingness to give up on a young woman determined to move forward with her life.  You have made a difference in so many lives throughout the world. You are and always will be terribly missed here on earth and I look forward to seeing you again in heaven.  

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